da de da

Scatterbrain
You've been crying in the rain
You've been drowning in your pain
Ain't gonna die

Do the right thing
Win or lose
Don't confuse
Wednesday's child

-Emiliana Torrini-


She doesn't know wut her lil girl is thinkin.She doesn't know wut her lil girl has become.
She doesn't know words can kill and burn and damage a person for life.
The world in her eyes will never be the same as mine.
And I'm just killing myself.Killing myself just so she can see a part of my world without the need for lies.
No mathematics equation can compare to the complexity of the human mind.Such a phenomenom it is.Such a pain in the neck it is.
Unfathomable.
Certainly not a question of science fuckin science.
The thought of never being able to ever break thru it gives me a rash.
How is that knot ever fuckin gonna loosen and drop off somewhere someday.
I don't even want it near me.
If zero credit is what i am to have, I'll allow my one palm to land on my one shoulder, just before i surrender.I'll give myself a silent pat on the back.I'll give myself all the credit i deserve.Even if i've gotten none.
U've tried very hard.Very very very hard.U know that don't u?
Time for a change of plans huh?Is that wut u mean?What kinda happiness is happiness really if its only obtained thru curtaining yer true self.Curtaining of anything.Oh well.Like how they always say.U'll never know til u try.I don't even like my alternatives.Anything with a shadow.Anything with a 'but the truth'.
But i guess ure desperate aren't u?U've gotten beyond desperate aren't u.The desire for that bit of happiness. That was never there. And i'm so afraid it will never get there.
Im so desperate.Ure so desperate u.Do wutever it takes then.As long as it works.I hate how the words sound.I hate compromising WITH myself.That should NEVER be.Never.
Until a day u find, u might just need to chuck that arrogant lil value away from u.That beloved.dear dear arrogant lil value of yers.Just to grab that bit of happiness into u, and for somebody else.

How do u feel.how do u feel.
im torn apart.i feel literally torn apart.
ure pathetic with efforts in vain are u really gonna go with that in which i see myself in disdain i should be fuckin ashamed.
so desperate. and so ashamed.

i hate the rubberband life.i will get out of it someday will i.before it snaps.i better.
fuckin rubberband.to the hell with u.
it.u.wutever.

Oh.thats right.thats wut im doing.
Finding Neverland.
Hahahaha ha ha ha.
Go fling yerself against the cinema floor will u?